It is no secret that I was diagnosed with ADHD as a 6 year old. They did a whole battery of tests. I remember them, vaguely. It is also no secret that I was an abused child. Today, I found out they both have everything to do with each other.
Today, in a Facebook group I help manage, there was someone who was trying to say that IQ tests are reliable tests. I knew that was false but it also dawned on me that when there is testing for a neurodivergency, there is also an intelligence test.
What the Report Said
This prompted me to look through my report. I am trying to find a way to get the transcript of this document. It’s too much for me right now TBH. This is what my report said:
How I was Treated At Home
After reading through the evaluation portion of this report today, it clicked. This is the reason I was treated the way I was. I remember my father yelling about no child of his would be “useless.” I was treated like I understood nothing or was incapable of thought. . I was called different ableist slurs often by my brothers and my parents.
I would be physically abused or secluded from the rest of the family when I would not get something right or if I said something that they perceived as not smart or not their way. This was paired along with ABA
. It was not a good way to grow up.
There was one day when I was tired of how I was being treated like this, I left the house. Knowing what my parents thought about me, I pressed record on a voice recorder/radio combo I had bought from a yard sale as child. I had it hidden in my closet and left the door slightly open so I could record it. So I left. I needed a break. Nowadays its called elopement but they were no good for my mental health.
When I came back, my mother was talking to my “genius” brother who they thought could do no wrong .I remember her saying that I am not as smart as everyone in the house and they had to talk to me a certain way. That way I understood. Little did they know, I understood plenty. This is not an isolated incident, this is just how I was treated. When reading this part of the report, she would say some of these word verbatim talking about me.
After reading the evaluation result portion of the testing today during the conversation, it clicked. My father tested into MENSA and values intelligence and being book smart. Thats why my brother Marc (I don’t care if I use his first name, he did nothing but torture me growing up) was the golden child. He was in advance classes, etc and made my parents proud. Looking back at this I do think that my father is autistic. Certain things about him that jump out at me.
When the evaluation said,“Intellectually, [Aviva] functions verbally in the Low Average range overall characterized by borderline/ability and low Average Performance ability. Despite lack of significant difference between verbal and performance functioning, the high degree of variability between and within the sub tests themselves indicates that [Aviva’s] performance is adversely affected by both neurological impairment and emotional conflicts.”
This should have told everyone that things were not ok at home.
“[Aviva’s] projective drawing and stories reflect her sense of inadequacy, insecurity and helplessness. She appears to be overly aware of her deficiencies and indicates a belief in projecting a amiable and attractive facade in order to compensate. Ambivalence over operation issues is also apparent”
I was being treated at home like I was less than everyone else. They also describe me masking at a very young age. I started masking before ABA
in order to survive at home.
“[Aviva’s] visual-motor difficulty similarly emerged on other tests as well. Her performance on the Bender, a rote, copying task, yielded a visual motor age approximately six months below her chronological age (using Koppitz scoring). More significant, however, was the difficulty [Aviva] had in maintaining the basic gestalt of the designs. Her Bender was replete with errors of disproportion, distortion, rotation, integration failures and angulation difficulties which suggest neurological impairment.”
This is the part that help lead my neuro psych to my autism diagnosis
. This is the part that made him really angry that I went so long without support or a diagnosis. Personally, I don’t think the professionals who evaluated me knew much about autism.
All these comments about my deficiencies, there was not one positive thing in this report unless calling me a cute child was a positive. This is the attitude that was projected onto my parents after this evaluation.
I remember this evaluation vaguely. I remember being there for hours and I just wanted to leave. They expected my full cooperation when they couldn’t communicate with my effectively. The whole thing felt like a set up.
When we went to the followup appointment and this was being gone over, I was put in a corner to color. I don’t remember everything but I do remember getting home and being punished for the results of the evaluation. In the next few weeks I would start ABA
and the nightmare would truly begin. That is when I was really stared to be treated poorly. It had a lot to do with the verbiage of this report. It wasn’t all the professionals fault but they influenced my parents into thinking I wouldn’t do anything in life.
Intelligence Scores Has Nothing to Do with A Person’s Success
According to this evaluation, I should have been in self contained classes and been in school until I turned 21. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. I started in self contained classes, was mainstreamed out when I was in 5th grade. By the time I got to high school, I was in advanced classes and graduated with 12 college credits. Full Story Here
As an adult. I have two college degrees, started my own business, started a non profit organization and have my own family. Sure I don’t have a lot of money but I am happy. I found someone who loves me for who I am and is here for me to discover who I truly am.
These intelligence tests should be banned because they do not tell anyone anything about a child. They force a child to stay still for hours when they are meant to be moving around.